Jibber Jabber

Ok, well, I haven’t written in this space in quite a while. I have been putting most of my thoughts on my own website, but the stuff that’s happened recently in my life seems better suited to this arena.

For the past couple of months my girlfriend’s mother has been having some health problems. I think in October she was diagnosed with pneumonia and it hasn’t really ever gone away. My girlfriend doesn’t really keep in close contact with her mom that often, usually they talk a couple of times a week over AIM I think. We live in NY and her mom lives in Florida. We don’t have long distance so AIM is really the most feasible option.

Anyhow, I guess around Monday of last week she went to see another doctor because she was coughing up some blood. She went in for tests and on Friday she was told she has cancer and there is a tumor in her lung. My girlfriend called me at work hysterical. She and her brother were trying to get a flight for that night but there were none. I rushed home and we packed and caught the 7:30 AM flight from JFK to west palm beach.

I have to make clear how terrified my girlfriend is of flying. She had never flown before in her life, and had no intention of ever doing so. Numerous trips of ours were called off because I don’t feel like wasting days on trains or driving and she is terrified of flying. But this time her mom wanted her to be there in case anything happened, so there was really no choice. Her plan was to get totally hammered before boarding the plane. But we had no alcohol in the house and when we got to JFK, there was no bar. So she was freaking out, but really it went fine and she was fine. It was a beautiful day and there was only a little turbulence. This was the first time I’d flown in like 5 years so I was a bit nervous myself.

So we got to West Palm Beach and I was glad I wore my convertible pants, which unzip at the knee and turn into shorts. It was 35 degrees in NY when we left, and it was easily 79 in FL. I did feel like an ass walking around with my coat, but oh well. We got the rental car and went directly to the hospital, which was like 20-30 minutes away.

The next few days were harrowing, and everyone was pretty much unsatisfied with the hospital. One doctor in particular was extremely bad, having told her she could die “at any time.” Then there was the oncologist, a surgeon, and eventually a radiologist and a couple more. But the incompetence of the primary doctor convinced my girlfriend, her brother, and their mother to move her to Sloan-Kettering in NYC, which is apparently the #1 cancer center in the country. After a bunch of BS, she was on the plane on Wednesday and in NYC by 6:00 pm that night. Of course, it couldn’t be that simple — the primary doctor in Florida hadn’t sent the referral like he had to and said he would, so they wouldn’t admit her. They went back the next day, and still no referral, still she couldn’t get in.

Today they had an appointment at 1:00 pm and I guess the doctor said “there’s a 30% chance you’ll live more than two years.” So everybody is generally depressed. It really sucks major ass. I don’t put much faith in what doctors say, no matter how famous or world-renowned they may be. But I’m not the one who received this news either.

So that is the latest catastrophe in our ongoing saga. I sometimes feel like there is a doomcloud following us around. We try to make the best of the situation, but jesus, what more can we be expected to do.

To add insult to injury, I asked my boss for a raise on Friday before I found out about this whole cancer ordeal. Then I had to leave work early and miss Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday of this week. Way to make an impression. Anyhow, I still think I’m worth it, I just hope he thinks so too. I am still drowning in debt and the job that my girlfriend almost had was cut by that motherfucker bloomberg, so again I am supporting 2 people and 2 dogs on a pittance. I have been trying to be strong, if only for my girlfriend’s sake, but sometimes I just honestly don’t know how much more I can take. Tomorrow we are waking up at 6:00 am and she is taking her mom in for a 9:30 appointment at sloan, and dropping me off at work on the way.

It is my sister’s birthday on Saturday and I promised her a TV-VCR combo which I cannot afford to get her. I have months worth of student loans still unpaid. George Bush is a stupid motherfucker who thinks tax cuts and more military spending are the cure for everything. I can’t believe how much slack the media are cutting him and Cheney when they fucking impeached Clinton for getting a blowjob. And you wonder why people hate republicans.

John Deep apparently wants the Mac Aimster source code from me, and I guess offered a whopping $350 for it! He owes me $7500. John, if you’re reading this, I will settle for $6,000. Then you can have it and I will wipe it completely from my hard drive. I have no use for it whatsoever, but I am not giving it to you until I get my money. The only copies of it in existence are PGP encrypted, so hax0ring me for them won’t do you any good.

I should probably write in this thing more frequently. Then I can look back with fascination at the different events in my life. But I really do not have the time nor the inclination to do so. Anyhow, I guess that’s a wrap for now. Oh yeah, and Aimster finally gave up aimster.com to AOL and changed their name to ‘Madster’. Madeline = “Aimee” so Aimster -> Madster. Get it? My theory is proven once again — Aimster/Madster is just a vehicle for John to promote his daughter.

Adios señores y señoras. :-/

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